Talk It Out Tuesday: Coffee Chat
4 Lies That Are Holding You Back in Life and Business
Grab your dark roast + join us as we shed light on some of the most common reoccurring doubts business owners tell themselves and how to finally dropkick that negative self-talk right in the face once and for all.
How many times have you thought to yourself, "Nobody would pay that much…” or “There are already a million other planners/photographers/florists/caterers/fill in the blank out there.”
The list of common doubts that we allow to permeate our stories are endless. Tomorrow, I'm going to chat about 4 of the most common lies we tell ourselves as business owners. These lies are ones that even my own clients before working with me have lead themselves to believe.
I will be talking you through the many shifts I've made over the past 2 years that have made the biggest impacts in my life and business.
Episode 23 Coffee Chat Replay
Episode 23 Podcast
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Lauren Dragon-Cook: A few of the topics I will be talking about today of the four, may or may not trigger something for some of you. I just want to put that out there. This is not meant to make you feel poorly or bad about yourself. That is not why I am talking about this. We are all victim to doing this. We all have had moments where we accept lies that we tell ourselves. Right? Lies that we tell ourselves about our business. “We aren’t good enough. Their photos are better than mine.” Whatever it may be…
I am going to talk about the four most common lies that I see people telling themselves. I noticed it recently especially with my new clients that have decided to work with me one on one or for a couple of sessions. These are lies that are permeating the industry! If any of these apply to you… you are not alone. You are in good company.
The biggest lie, the biggest misconception, the biggest thing we tell ourselves… I see again and again within the industry is this:
“Nobody is going to pay that. Oh my god I cannot charge that much. There is no way in hell anyone is going to spend ‘X’ number of dollars if I try charging that”.
If this has been something you have said or thought… you are not alone. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the wedding industry! We creatives we typically undercut ourselves and under value ourselves. I’m going to tell you why, there are two reasons.
- Your gift, your talent, what you bring to the world comes easily to you. It comes naturally to you. Taking photos, planning a wedding… any of that does not come naturally to the people who are searching for a service like that. There is a reason why they are searching for someone to hire. Because you think “Am I crazy for charging that?” It would almost be like trying to charge for taking a shower to someone who has never taken a shower before. (That is a disgusting example, please shower everyone). But what we do seems more difficult for somebody who doesn’t do it every single day. KNOW THAT! WRITE THAT DOWN.
- You (my friend) are not your ideal client. I can almost guarantee you that. We as artists, as creatives are really really good at what we do but we are also in awe and appreciate others work that we find beautiful. We want to hire somebody to do family photos and their work is absolutely incredible, but maybe we can’t afford that. So that would be something you save up for. So just because you yourself are trying to locate a certain audience, doesn’t’ mean you automatically fit into that audience. Perfect example: When I was a studio manager for a Boston wedding photographer years ago, I LOVED the work she did! Absolutely gorgeous. But its funny because one of the first things I said to her when I started working for her “Dude, I love your work. I would have loved you to do my wedding. But there is now way in hell I would’ve been able to afford you!” She looked me straight in the eye and said “because you’re not my ideal client”. We always need to remember this!
When we start to question our words and our value… remember this. When you are having a rough day… flip back to this podcast.
The second biggest lie I see people telling themselves over and over again is this:
“There are already a million other florists out there, why would anyone want to hire me? How would they find me? The market is so saturated, why should I even bother?”
This is something that comes up a lot for people when they hop on talking clarity chats with me. What I want to say about the market being saturated is… this will sound cliché as hell, I promise you, but it is so true! There is a reason why it gets said so often. There is nobody else out there quite like you. Just because there might be a handful of other incredible photographers in your area, there is nobody that has the same shooting style as you or the same personality or the way you see the world like you.
Yes, absolutely hands down the wedding industry has become saturated. Yes, but on the flip side I want you to start looking at that a little differently. You got into this industry for a reason. You had a passion. You had a fire in your belly to create something, to make something, to be helping others with your talents and gifts. We tend to lose sight of that very easily, any time we start to look around and see what it going on around us. When we start to look and see what the competition is doing and see our competitors Instagram, any of that bullshit… that is when we start to doubt ourselves.
Your talent, your gift, is incredible. You believed in it enough right out of the gate to start, to begin, to create this business that wasn’t existing before. Why in the world are you now going to futtle that all up because you are going to start to look at someone else and what they are doing? WHY? Stay your path, stay your journey. Don’t be looking at their path and your journey. They either have their blinders on and cruising forward and making waves. Or they are doing exactly that and starting to look around and that is when you become lost in your own business and become uninspired in your business. That is something we all are guilty of. No one is above anyone else when it comes to this. This is something we all go through.
The difference though for the ones who are “super successful” is just a matter of how they handle it, how they deal with it. So many people I see get caught up in this. Those are the people that stay stuck. The people that think these things, let it sit for a day and then the following day they give it a big middle finger and say “I am good enough, I am awesome, and there is room for me”. That is the difference!
Everybody’s level of success is different. They will never look the same! When you start to look at what other people have achieved and you adopt that as your own, when in reality it was never yours to begin with, you get caught up.
“Well… I’m just going to see what happens. Maybe I’ll make it, maybe I won’t. I’ll start the business and then I’ll just let it ride and do its thing and see where it leads me.”
Fuck that! You can’t do that! You can’t do that to yourself. You obviously either have lost the spark that began the business in the beginning or you were never passionate enough to ever pursue it.
Think about it… if you are just riding the wave and seeing where it brings you, that is not how business owners run businesses. The problem is, so many people do this and they do it subconsciously. They just don’t set goals. They don’t set a finish line. They don’t work towards anything. They are just sort of hanging out and doing their thing.
The third week in June we are going to be talking about how to create goals and talking about the process I do to create my own goal setting. If this is something you struggle with, or having an end game for your business is driving you busy… come to this chat!
I’ve done that when I’m at low points within my business. Not knowing which direction to take, not knowing what to do. Waiting for a sign from the universe.
We are all in the same boat, but there is a reason for it and it will be over soon.
The fourth and final lie we tend to tell ourselves… this one I contemplated putting for number one but I kind of want to start off easy and work my way up. So ladies…
“Nah, I got this. I can do it on my own. I don’t need help.”
I really feel like this one needs to be talked about.
“No one has done this before. I am too poor to afford help.”
That is the single biggest reason why this is a lie and why this has just rocked my world recently. I will go into that a little bit. I am guilty of this myself. Mindset, money mindset, money affirmations, ya-da-ya-da. You have heard the words and the terms. There is this wave happening in the culture of coaches and within the world of spiritual healing. There is this permeating lie that we can do it all on our own. There are quite a few reasons for that.
If you are a woman reading this… we have a terribly difficult time at accepting help. We do. We are nurturers by nature. We are the caregivers. We are the ones that bring the family and community together. That is how we operate and how our DNA is programed. What I have found in working with my own clients… we are women tend to have major blocks to accepting help, to receiving anything! Whether it be help, gifts, abundance, joy… doesn’t matter. We as women have a hard time with receiving.
Let me tell you what that does. Picture two pipes. One on the top and then one of the bottom. They are joined together by joints. On the very top you have a spout where you can pour water in. What happens if you just continue to pour water but nothing comes out? It becomes overflowing and it backs up. So what needs to happen? There needs to be a spicket on the bottom for the water to flow out so it can be a continuing cycle of water. What we do as women entrepreneurs, we do not have the bottom spicket. We just give until the day is gone! Our time, our energy, our service, our products, money! But then here is the problem!
The biggest problem that you can have is that because you give you aren’t willing to receive so you don’t feel you deserve to invest in yourself. You feel it is okay, you’ll get by, you’ll recharge your batteries on your own… NO! That is the biggest part of this lie. You will burn out faster than you could ever imagine, if you don’t have somebody to lean on. Now that can mean anything. Many of us have partners, spouses, friends, coaches… you need somebody who understands exactly what you are going through and can help to recharge your batteries. Sometimes we can’t do it ourselves.
The problem with being a woman is we find excuses to help ourselves, to take time for ourselves to recharge. We find it so difficult to pamper and see our own self worth and nurture that. You have to invest in yourself in some way shape or form. You cannot do it on your own. Whether you feel you need a mentor or a day at the spa or get your mails done… do whatever you need to do. Your business will not sustain itself. You as a person will not sustain yourself, by yourself. Doesn’t work that way. Ever hear that saying “it takes a village”? Sometimes that one area we forget to invest in, cultivate, and nourish is our self.
Think of it this way, when you are your best self and living your best life and kicking ass and taking names… when you are doing all of that… when is that? When does that happen? When you are on top of the world! When you are listening to your own needs. But what happens in your business? In every area of your life? They are green and growing and prospering! Think of it that way. I feel sometimes we value money over our own self worth. We tell ourselves, “oh I can’t afford this, I can’t afford to do that…” but the reality is, yes you can. You just need to prioritize. Wouldn’t it be easier to work with someone that could just help you avoid the pitfalls and help you focus on what is most important in your business? Remind you to take those spa days?
If Anything, Remember This
The piece I want to leave you all with… if nothing else take this away from today’s episode: Let go of questioning your every move. Let it go. I feel like freakin’ Elsa right now, but let that shit go. Confident business owners, the ones that are confident in themselves, their business model, their clients and family… these are the ones that are booking clients and sustaining themselves with their business, the ones that are making waves, the ones that are rising to the top. So how did they get there?
They stopped believing these bullshit lives. They stop believing and starting realizing they cannot do this on their own. Whatever capacity that looks like, you cannot do this on your own. I’ll tell you, from experience, when I finally realized that and I joined the mentor community that I am a part of as an educator and thought leader… my business blew the eff up! I had support to lean on. I had people to lean on. I had a mentor to lean on. Was it expensive? Yes. But it is an investment in my business.
Some of you may not need a mentor, some of you just need to take a day for yourself. Go take yourself out to brunch, have a stay vacation! Do something that will fuel yourself. Please. I am seeing so many people burning out right now.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I cannot thank you all enough for staying connected with me week after week. Our community is growing by leaps and bounds because of YOU. You are the megaphone for this community and I cannot thank you enough for that. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. So much love and so much thanks. So much of all the good stuff.
Much love to you all. Next week my friend Brandy Sales will be here. He is diving into how to do more video with your phone to boost your business. He does everything from his phone… edits and shoots!
I would be most appreciative if you invite your friends to this community and show them this podcast. You never know who needs it. You find it, when you need to find it. It happens when it needs to happen. So much love!
There has been a request made for me to pull a card today. The color purple came up so that is what we are going with! I am intuitive. YAY! I am an empath and I bring my gifts and my talents and god-given skill set to YOU. I read oracle cards, so right now I am about to pull a full spread. You all literally brought me so much joy today.
How many of you haven’t yet embraced the fact that you yourself are an empath in some capacity, shape or form? When I invited your guides in, yes goosebump city!
1. General theme of the week: Focus on Service. Your soul desires to only joyfully serve and to swim in a constant stream of bliss. This stream continuously feeds you everything you need. Put your entire focus on in the stream of giving and receiving in every situation and in all that you do. (I just love it!) This card comes to you because you have been worried about your life’s mission. Perhaps you have felt insecure about whether you will make enough money, be successful, or be well received by others. Instead of concerns about what you will receive or other peoples reactions, focus solely upon how you can serve. Use your natural talents, passions, and interests to help others or some vital cause. Then through the law of attraction you will receive all the support you will need. Release money worries to the universe and the angels, be receptive to inner divine guidance and follow it without hesitation. If you get nervous, focus on service.
ON MY GOD, does that not sum up this entire episode today!? BOOM.
2. Block: Trustworthy guidance. You received a wonderful idea as an answer to your prayers. This idea is real and trustworthy. You can safely move forward with it, knowing that we are with you every step of the way. Ask for and be open to receiving our support for anything that you need related to this idea. The angels gave you this card because they want you to believe in your ideas which are answers to your prayers and you can trust them. You’ll be supported as you move forward to put your ideas into action as long as you check in with your angels regularly for continued guidance. If you ever feel vulnerable, ask your angels to reassure you with emotional, spiritual, and material comfort. Don’t worry about the details, they will take care of themselves as you go along. Go for it. Your idea is valid and divinely inspired. You are safe to make changes and move forward.
Again, wasn’t this the entire message of this episode!?
3. How will you overcome this block: Let your past go. You received this card because your thoughts and feelings about the past are holding you back. You’re seeing a pattern because of unrealized emotions from your past. This card is a sign to forgive and move on, to stop painful patterns. It doesn’t mean that you need to be with the person you have forgiven, it simply means that you have let toxic feelings go in exchange for peace. Approach a new experience or relationship with positive expectations. Avoid routines. Speak to a counselor or support group. Forgive those who have hurt you, forgive yourself. The worst is now behind you. Keep your thoughts about this situation high and bright.
4. Probably outcome given the path we are now on: Ground yourself. When you detached form awareness of your body and the world, you become ungrounded. Although it is pleasant to float heaven-ward, your attention is needed upon the Earth. For helping you balance the spiritual and material so you can a fulfilling earthly life. This card is a signal that your energy and attention need to be grounded. If you’ve been feeling spacy, confused, or forgetful, this card speaks to the reason. Ungroundedness means your attention is directed up too high, as if you’re not in your body. A balance is needed between a focus on spirit and a focus on Earth. You can ground yourself easily by walking barefoot on grass or eating foods from the ground, by rubbing bare feet, by touching a tree or plant, or by visualizing roots coming from the bottom of your feet into the Earth. Grounding will help you to better concentrate and help focus and will and increase your connections to the angels and the universe. Spend time gardening. Work with flowers. Adjust your diet and habits so they support your physical and mental awareness. Make sure the words you speak are right, grounded, practical, and understandable. Be down to Earth and authentic in your relationships.
- Wildcard: Relationship. Your primary relationship is with yourself and the universe and every other relationship falls from there. To retract, help or balance a relationship, then snuggle more closely with your loving creator. As you feel safe and loved within, so shall your other relationships bloom and prosper. This card that you are entering a more positive space with your relationships. You are now out of the forest and entering an area filled with light and beauty. You just need to hang on a little while longer. The answer to your question relies within your relationship. Trust your feelings about your current relationships and act accordingly. The angels are helping you manifest a wonderful new relationship. Send light and love to the angels in your present relationship. A positive transition is occurring in a current relationship, which could include a healthy ending.
I haven’t been doing a lot of the woo-woo on these calls for one reason… because I have felt lately like it is not well received by everyone. I have felt like the path that I was taking with the community and with everything. I felt it wasn’t being well received so I stopped doing it for awhile. This is the first reading I have done in a while for the group.
I am so overwhelmed with gratitude and love. Thank you, so much. I could not have gone through the deck and chosen any cards that could have been more of a mirror to the talk I just did.
If you are feeling like you need guidance and help, you know I am here and you can always schedule a coffee and clarity chat with me. I would love and be honored to work with all of ya’ll. If something comes up for your later on, message me!
I’m being pushed to tell you this… I am actually going to be creating a group and a place where it is a monthly membership type thing. It is something I feel is really needed within our group and community. That is why I am pursuing it. Just know that.
Q + A
Q: I always think someone is out to scam me.
A: Girl, you and me both. Me, because I have been scammed for thousands of dollars. It is something I have talked a little bit here and there with people, but I don’t want to give it any power. I don’t want to give that situation any juice. I don’t want to help it in any way shape or form. So trust me when I say to you, I understand. I am not sitting here on a soap box telling you to hire me. I hope you know that. What I am trying to say is you need to find what works for you that will help fuel you. I had invested in something that I thought was going to fuel me. Turns out it was a scam. I can laugh about it now, but let me tell you those were dark days as hell! I understand the hesitation and where that comes from.
Q: Sometimes I feel like I am a failure or a hack.
A: The people who felt this way and then chose to get help and do something about it… those are the people who are now at the top. Right? So don’t feel that way. Don’t feel less than if you find something or someone who is going to help you. You are not less than, you are smart as hell.
Q: You definitely need to find people you can trust and talk about things to. That is always my fear. I open up to some people and get hurt later on. Makes me put the walls up about being open.
A: The one thing that has helped me a little bit in getting burnt, is knowing that karma exists. And it took me a long time (like two years), but anytime my heart becomes hurt or someone has hurt me intentionally or not I just open my heart bigger. I open it up more! Then I am able to receive more good. So instead of closing off tight, not letting anything in good or bad… open it up to let more good in!
Q: We have all invested in things we regret.
A: PREACH! YES!
I’m Lauren, your wedding business visionary! I educate wedding pros on the behind the scenes of their businesses through practical knowledge and intuitive strategy. I incorporate my intuitive gifts with solid business strategy to maximize my clients' progress and success.